In true Mary Theresa fashion, I have posted a few times with current updates yet have failed to post about the catalyst for the creation of this blog in the first place: the birth of my beautiful daughter.
Colette Therese, my precious child, you were brought into this world at 7:40am on June 12th, 2013, but let me back up and tell you the whole story...
My due date was June 2nd and that came and went. Ever since I turned the corner into 37 weeks I had been anxiously expecting you at any moment. Our bags were packed and repacked several times and I had even taken your dad out to get snacks for the hospital. The Thursday after I was due I had a non-stress test and got to hear your heartbeat for a half an hour! I also found that I was having regular contractions-8 minutes apart. Dr. Fleming said you could come any day-that night, or next week! We had to have you out by Father's Day!
I had tried every trick suggested to induce labor...nothing was working. A week after my due date I had been having contractions for three days but still no other signs. Tuesday morning (the 11th) at 2:30am I woke up feeling something different; not just tightening with contractions-I felt pain! I was so excited to feel pain! I woke up your dad and he forced me to calm down, saying he didn't think it was time yet. I was too eager to listen and called the doctor right away as I hurredly cleaned the house and got everything ready for the hospital (hint: if you're able to do this, it is not time to go to the hospital!). Dr. Fleming said to come in! Yay!
We arrived at the hospital around 4:00am and I could tell right away by the receptionist's face that we would be sent home. I'm sure she thought to herself: "Here's another one! Thinking she' ready for the hospital!" Sure enough, they checked me and I was only 75% effaced and 1 cm dilated, so they sent me home. They assured me that I was in early labor and that I would be back soon. Your dad and I drove home tired and dissapointed-we just wanted to meet you so badly! To ease our pain we went to the drivethru at McDonald's.
It was 6:30am when we got home and your dad headed to bed so he could nap. He had to work at noon. Since I was in such early labor I figured that would be okay. After I ate my breakfast I went to sleep. When I awoke two hours later, my contractions had stopped! I was devastated! When were you going to come? I got up and began another day without you, and then went to nap again when your dad left for work. I will never forget what happened at 1:30pm when I woke up...
Since the day I found out I was pregnant I have been reading every book on the subject. Wanting to have a birthing experience without the use of medication, I focused on learning everything about natural pain relieving techniques and preparing myself for the pain of labor. I was so confident I had it all covered. I found out at 1:30pm how wrong I was. I woke up to the most intense pain I have ever experienced. I honestly can't remember a bit of it but I can see myself going thru it. I fell out of bed and screamed as I rolled around on the floor. It was all I could do. Without anyone there to coach me I lost all control. After it ended I called Meema and she waited for the next contraction with me and talked me thru it on speaker phone. I was hesitant to call your dad home, but they were immediately coming every three minutes and were lasting almost a minute, so I called him after a half an hour. He asked me if I was sure it was time, and if he had been within my grasp I would've strangled him. Instead I screamed at him to come home NOW and hung up. Now, he worked a half an hour away so by the time he came home everything was a wreck. I was having back labor so as well as the pain in my abdomen I had excruciating pain in my lower back. I had grabbed our rolling pin and gone into the shower, rolling it on my back against the wall. That was in between contracions (during that time I was paralyzed with fear of the next contraction to come). When those happened, it was all I could do to tumble out of the shower and crawl across the floor. Your dad came home to a naked, soaking wife and a house littered with her clothes and soaking carpets. I wanted to go naked, but he forced a Huskers t-shirt and shorts on me before we headed out the door. What ensued was the "longest" car-ride of my life. I felt so claustrophobic during contractions that I would grasp anxiously at whatever was available-the emergency brake, your dad, I even yanked off a piece of the car under the glove compartment.
We finally got to the hospital and I stomped in carrying nothing but the rolling pin. Praise God we had packed the car earlier that morning, because this time we forgot everything! Luckily they had gotten my insurance and license in the morning too, because that was also forgotten. They checked me in quickly this time and I was found to be 4 cm and 100% effaced. At this point in the story, everything is a blur. I remember being taken to a room, having an IV put in, my blood pressure taken, and being asked a million questions. My doula (Tina) arrived and she and your dad got me into the jacuzzi. I don't know how much time passed. Your dad and Tina took turns pushing their fists into my lower back as I lay there moaning. Each contraction I offered up for a different person. During this time Meema, Beeba and Uncle Joe arrived. I remember looking up and seeing my mom. With my head half under water I couln't hear Tina coaching me. I began struggling to think of someone to offer the next contraction for. I began to lose focus. I begged for an epidural, which I said I would never do. They convinced me to have the nurse check me first. I was still only 4 cm. They say that 5-7cm are the most painful. I wasn't able to conceive any more pain. Everyone, even the nurses was encouraging me to keep pushing thru it, but to no avail. I had mentally surrendered.
I thought I had been in pain while in the jacuzzi, well being out of it was unbearable. Especially since they were making me sit still on the bed. Luckily the anestheliogist got there right away and put in the epidural quickly. Sadly, they take time to kick in. Even more depressing...mine didn't kick in. They say it takes 15 minutes, well an hour passed and I was still in pain. Your auntie Miriam came as this time and couldn't believe how much pain I was in. I laughed and told her she should've seen me an hour ago. They had to give me a second bolus. Finally a half an hour later I was without pain. At that moment I loved epidurals more than anything in the world. Now I was only allowed four visitors at a time, but the nurses snuck everyone in so that by this point I had Beeba, Meema, Joe, Miriam, dad, and Tina. Now the fun began. We all just hung out! Meema had her massage table and we all chatted as I sucked on popsicles. The family was ecstatic about discovering the snack room stocked with free gingerale, graham crackers and such. Beeba played his guitar, a rosary was prayed, and time marched on. Periodically the nurses came to check on me, straight cath me (they were always amazed at how much came out), etc. Each of the nurses, and the doctors, seeing our family, seeing the way your dad loved me, told me that they could tell this would be a special baby. By 10:30pm nothing was really happening, so Aunt Miriam and Uncle Joe went home. I was dilated to 9cm at this point, so you would think you'd be coming soon. Aunt Suzanne's birthday was that day so everyone was wondering if you would share a birthday. Midnight came and went though...at this point everyone was sleeping, except me of course. As the night dragged on, my pain started coming back, a slow ache. I had a button to push for pain medication and I started pushing it for the first time.
As 4:00am rolled around it was discovered I was just about 10cm. I guess they said I had like a "lip" of cervix in the way though so we had to wait it out. By 5:00 it had disapeared. The nurses had been asking me to tell them if I felt any pressure. I kept wanting to, but it wasn't happening. They put me in a position on my stomach to get you lower. It was a sight getting into it as I had absolutely no feeling in my legs. When I was done with that, the OB decided that I could try and push and we would see if anything happened. I could barely feel what I was doing, but I pushed. I must've done it right because the doctor said she could see your head! It was so exciting as I watched the OB gown up, the nurses set up my bed for delivery and the mirror get rolled in so I could watch.
Pushing ensued for the next two and a half hours. As soon as I started, pushing my contractions slowed to 5 minutes apart. Everyone just sat there in silence. Waiting. There was nothing to say. When they came though, I pushed with all my might and was amazed as I saw your head, looking like a little white raisin! They rotated pushing positions as we tried to get your head past my pelvic bone. My back labor began to return in full force and the only relief I had was when I pushed. It felt so good to finally play an active part in getting you out. It was such a tease, seeing your head bob in and out like a prairie dog. Meema & Beeba awoke and stood there wrapped up together in blankets smiling as they watched your head as well. They warn you during pregnancy that you might poop while pushing. While this didn't happen to me, poop did come out of me-yours. A little stream of your turds trickled out. Because you pooped while I was in labor, they had the pediatrician come to make sure you would be okay when you came out. I was so afraid for you.Finally there came a push where they kept telling me to keep pushing and all at once the little raisin transformed into your beautifull head, and then into your beautiful body! It happened so fast! I had no need to be afraid, you came out pink and screaming! They lifted you onto my lower abdomen as your dad announced, with tears in his eyes and a smile on his face, that you were a girl! Now, we had all been expecting a boy and when I looked down and saw your umbilical cord I thought to myself "your dad is lying, I see the penis!". But I was wrong: God had given us a perfect baby girl with blonde hair and blue eyes who looked just like her dad! They placed you in my arms and the whole world melted away as I looked at what God had created through me. You are perfect and I love you. I cannot believe you're mine. Nothing else matters. Pain never existed. You are here. You are mine.
You were so alert and so active. You screamed until I put you to my breast and immediately you anxiously began sucking. You were so smart and latched almost right away. Even as you got older you always were the cutest about how excited you got to nurse, bobbing your head this way and that saying "ahh ahh" and looking like a baby bird! You were 9 lbs 3.6 oz and 21 inches long. I had torn just about as much as possible and the doctor wouldn't even tell me how many stitches she had to do, but it took forever after the placenta popped out to close me up. But eventually the crowd thinned until it was just our family. Our beautiful, perfect family.
Looking back on it all, I asked your dad a few weeks later what his favorite part of the labor had been. He said there had been a point during pushing where he had tried to leave me for a moment to get something and I screamed to him: "don't leave me!" He also shared that what he felt when he saw you for the first time was the same feeling he had when he saw me walking down the aisle on our wedding day. We cannot imagine our life without you. You have already taught us so much. I can't wait to see you grow up, but right now I am enveloped with love in the moment as I hold you sleeping on my chest.
