Little book worm

Colette, you sweet little thing. You have your mommy's love for reading and I love it. Your daddy started reading to you when you were still in my belly. I remember having you "give him a gift" when you were still inside me, a book called: "Eco babies wear green". At just a few months ago, you would eagerly stare at the pages of all the board books we read to you. Your favorite book was "Good Night Gorilla". Oh we read that book over and over. Now that you have just turned two you are part of the Brighton Library's summer reading program. I am so excited for you as I have the fondest memories of participating in the summer reading programs at the JFK library growing up! Each week you get to pick out a lightly used book as long as you've read everyday (or had me read to you). However, lately you will not let me read to you. You have to read to yourself. Those have been some of the most endearing moments these past few weeks; your dad and I discovering you sitting on the floor in the corner of your playroom reading to yourself. A recent favorite book of yours is "Its a little book". I hear you reading it to yourself, each page appropriately saying "nooooooooooo". Ah you're too cute to handle dearest!

Put yourself in the way of beauty

Wild-a movie I could've easily lived without seeing. The secular culture's version of a "deep, moving, down to earth film" was to me a depressing, disturbing and not quite resolved one but I got one thing from it- Reese Witherspoon's character saying that line that her mom had said; "Every day there is a sunrise and a sunset, put yourself in the way of beauty". In my scattered moments of melancholy that arise in my day to day life, it is words such as these that move me. After a twelve hour shift all night, seeing the sunrise reminds me that there is more than me, than this world. Pure Gift those moments, pure gift.

Bad Mom!

Well ladies, I'm a bad mom. I break the rules. Here you are enjoying a little "Daniel Tiger" on a Saturday afternoon. Should I have let you? Probably not. Do I let you watch TV often? NO, not in the least. But does mom need a little break every once in a while? YES. I love you little cuties so much and honestly it brings me so much joy to break the rules for you because I get to watch the looks on your tiny faces when I do. What a gift to see that you realize it is a "treat". What a blessing it is that I can provide little things to make you happy. Thank you for being excited for your "treats", I hope I raise you to always be grateful for the little things.

Dear daughters, I'm sorry.

Dearest Colette and Sweet Maelyn, This past Friday something happened. Gay marriage was legalized throughout our nation. While the world tells us this is good and normal, I am here to tell you that it is not. And that I am sorry. I am sorry that you are going to grow up in a world that confuses you. You are going to live in a world where it is near impossible to discern what is true, or even if there is truth. But there is. This world is not a bad place, there is a lot of darkness, but there are also pockets of light and I hope you find them. I wish life were simple. I wish there were just men loving women and women loving men, but this place is not as black and white as we would like it to be. With the addition of the LGBT population we meet a mountain of confusion. On top of that is the reality of the brokenness of so many relationships, whether between a man and a woman or not-divorce, abuse, neglect, poverty, addiction. There are so many other things that can get lost in those larger issues-complacency, lack of communication between spouses, self-absorption, laziness, selfishness, greed, not saying "I love you" to name a few. I don't want to tell you how to think. I want to teach you how to think for yourselves-to be able to see truth. I don't know how I'm going to do that yet, and I know that you are already learning so much from me that I better figure it out soon. But my sweet girls, I pray that you know truth. I'm sorry that this world doesn't. Know truth. It exists. And it is good.

Beach Day

Things have been hectic over here. We're doing everything we can to move into the new house as soon as possible. Adam has been over there every second he hasn't been at work and has amazed me by his skill in fixing up the house. I mean, I know he fixes houses for a living, but seeing him transform our own home is just eye-opening. I appreciate him so much through all of this. He has had such determination and perseverance. I, on the other hand, can do nothing. All I want to do is paint, or move boxes, or something that makes me feel like I'm contributing. Yet, here I am, changing poopy diapers and making dinners as per usual. I am having the hardest time trying to pack up the house. The girls just don't give me a free moment. Colette's room especially has been a chore since she is sleeping in it whenever I have a moment to pack it! Needless to say, I've been stressed, and the girls have definitely been sensing it, so today I decided to take a bit of an "off" day and whisk the ladies to the beach. It is such a blessing living less than ten minutes away from Island Lake (one of the things I'll miss most when we move).

New house!

Here we are the new house . were slowly moving and eating our first breakfast together!

Spring is in the air

Well, that's an original title isn't it? My goodness though, it is a true statement if ever there was one. Time has been flying by and in the past two weeks we have gone from snow, to rain, to tomorrow at a high of 85! We are already five months into the year which is blowing my mind. Maelyn is officially nine months old, we've celebrated Easter, we're about to celebrate Mother's day, we've taken trips to the Imagination Station and Island Lake, and we bought a house! God is soooo good. I haven't been posting much and I feel as if the little I've posted has been the babble of my stream of melancholic thoughts rather than the joyful spring that is my family, and the blessing they are.

Adam-oh I am so proud and so aggravated with my spouse-as always. He is so stubborn and spontaneous, but so loving and spontaneous! Adam, you are a man full of surprises and I love you. I can't wait to move into our new home together and make it our own. Okay, let's be honest, I don't have a lot to write about you. It's not like you've accomplished some new milestone or done something really cute I've snapped a photo of. But I LOVE YOU anways :)

Colette- Wow, girl, you're crazy. I love you so much. My emotions for you are a tangle of love, anger, frustration, fascination, pride and wonder. I don't understand why you do the things you do. I wish dearly I could see how your mind works. You've gotten really into climbing lately. You get the stepping stool from the bathroom and use it very creatively from climbing into your sister's crib to standing on it so you can play the djembe! Your temper tantrums continue and mommy transitions quickly from listening to parenting CDs (every freaking one in the library!) to yelling at you in frustration and having to apologize. You love to read- you call books "gawks" and would sit and let me read to you all day. Sometimes we do read all day. I look forward to the times when Maelyn is napping and you let me envelope you on my lap while I read to you.

Mae-Mae-Crazy how as I write each of you and your sister's names, from deep within me wells up this love for you that I just can't control. You, little girl have been giving me a run for my money lately. You used to be the perfect one-what happened?! I think you're teething, or growing, or just wanting to move or something because you've become a bit of a fuss-bucket. With six teeth you have torn deep into mommy's milk-makers to the point that my pumped milk looked like it was strawberry flavored! You think it is hilarious too!! You need to crawl girl. You are nine months old and you're barely rolling over you little fatso! I can tell you want to move so badly. You eat everything in site. (so different from Colette). I love my time alone with you too. I love tickling you and hearing your raspy little smoker's laugh. I love snuggling your roly-poly little body. You are so pretty-pretty.

Best of all is seeing the two of you, the three of you, together. Last week we were driving to a friend's house for dinner and now in the minivan the two of you face each other. I don't know what happened but Colette did something that made Maelyn burst out laughing. That made Colette laugh, and then the two of you just laughed and laughed back and forth. We bought a bike cart and took you in it to Ritter's. Kept hearing Colette yell "MaeMae" until Maelyn started crying. We stopped and looked in- Maelyn had a huge bitemark on her hand, and Colette had one on her arm. I can't wait to see what your relationship as sisters holds.

I love you my family. Each one of you is so very special to me, and as I approach this Mother's Day, I am so grateful to be your mom, and your wife. Blessed.