St. Maria Goretti pray for us!

What a gift. Five years ago my boyfriend Adam and I went to Italy and visited the shrine to St. Maria goretti, getting to pray at her side for purity in our relationship. Who would have imagined that our daughter would get to pray at her tomb with me today? God is so good.

Me and Mama are besties!

Happy 1st Birthday Maelyn!

Mae Mae, you sweet, sweet girl-WE love you. I am writing this exactly one year after your birth. I was telling your dad today how it feels like you've always been a part of our family. I can't believe it's already been a year, but it seems like so long ago that we didn't have you with us. I am SO GLAD we have you with us. God couldn't have blessed us with a sweeter girl. We thought we hit the jackpot of easy babies with Colette, but you proved us wrong. I honestly felt guilty telling my friends what a good baby you were. You have such a pleasant disposition. You've always got a huge wide-mouthed grin on your face and jump up and down whenever you see me. You bring me so much joy! You have endured a lot from your sensitive tummy as a newborn, trouble sleeping as an infant, and the constant beating and biting you get from your big sis. But you are such a champ. I don't know if I said this in a previous post or not but I just think you're going to be te type of person who can sincerely rejoice in others' joys. What a gift. You are our baby fatso pretty pretty. None of us can imagine our lives without you. Here are some of my favorite moments with you over the past year (your first year of life!). *When I go in your room in the morning and you're standing up in the crib grabbing onto the railing and jumping up and down and smiling as soon as you see me. *When I hear you and Colette in your room at night making each other laugh. * Holding your little hands and feet as you wave them around while I nurse you...staring into your beautiful blue eyes while nursing and smiling at you and watching you smile back. * watching you wave "hiya" to EVERYONE!! *When you finally started moving. You were so fat we didn't know if you ever would.* Putting EVERYTHING known to man in your mouth (esp. the time when you ate your own poop and smiled with it between your teeth. ugh) * your rosy cheeks on hot days when you come out from under the nursing cover. *when you ate an ant. *when you laugh your raspy laugh. I love you to the moon and back! Thank you for being our little sunshine. May you shine your light into the world every day of your life. HAPPY 1st BIRTHDAY!

Happy 3rd Anniversary, my lover, my friend.

Adam, I love you. I'm so blessed to call you my husband, and every day I come up with more reasons why. I'm so grateful for every moment I've had with you, and so looking forward to the millions of moments ahead.

Better late than never

Well, I thought Colette was a late crawler. I'm already forgetting the age, but I think she was around ten months. Maelyn though, you were almost 11 months! Your dad and I knew you would crawl eventually but you took your sweet time getting there. At a whopping 22 lbs by 8 months we didn't think you would be fast to moving. As you began attempting to crawl over the past few weeks, we decided that your butt was so big it was getting in your way! Finally, you're crawling and you are just so proud of yourself. You're getting fast too. We are so proud of you little girl! Now, if only we could get you to stop biting us...

Welcome Summer

Yes, I know I use this phrase all the time, and I don't mean to overdo it, but I don't know a better way to describe it, summer is such a gift! What a joy it is to have a yard this year. I love going outside and feeling the warm sun's rays on my face, seeing the rays beat down on everything around me, and looking at the clear blue sky. But most of all I love watching you little girls soaking it all in. Whether it be giggling at a newly discovered toad in the backyard, doing sidewalk chalk together (or eating it Maelyn!), running up and down the hill, or letting mom pull you both in the wagon-summer is providing us with so many gifts.

Thank you Pinterest

Pinterest is wonderful, but I've recently given up all hope that you'll ever be interested in any of the things it has to offer, Colette and Mae Mae. I've spent so much time crafting little ideas for you that you've thrown to the side, however today I quickly whipped up this yogurt paint and it was great to see the two of you playing with it so well together.

Happy Father's Day!

Little book worm

Colette, you sweet little thing. You have your mommy's love for reading and I love it. Your daddy started reading to you when you were still in my belly. I remember having you "give him a gift" when you were still inside me, a book called: "Eco babies wear green". At just a few months ago, you would eagerly stare at the pages of all the board books we read to you. Your favorite book was "Good Night Gorilla". Oh we read that book over and over. Now that you have just turned two you are part of the Brighton Library's summer reading program. I am so excited for you as I have the fondest memories of participating in the summer reading programs at the JFK library growing up! Each week you get to pick out a lightly used book as long as you've read everyday (or had me read to you). However, lately you will not let me read to you. You have to read to yourself. Those have been some of the most endearing moments these past few weeks; your dad and I discovering you sitting on the floor in the corner of your playroom reading to yourself. A recent favorite book of yours is "Its a little book". I hear you reading it to yourself, each page appropriately saying "nooooooooooo". Ah you're too cute to handle dearest!

Put yourself in the way of beauty

Wild-a movie I could've easily lived without seeing. The secular culture's version of a "deep, moving, down to earth film" was to me a depressing, disturbing and not quite resolved one but I got one thing from it- Reese Witherspoon's character saying that line that her mom had said; "Every day there is a sunrise and a sunset, put yourself in the way of beauty". In my scattered moments of melancholy that arise in my day to day life, it is words such as these that move me. After a twelve hour shift all night, seeing the sunrise reminds me that there is more than me, than this world. Pure Gift those moments, pure gift.

Bad Mom!

Well ladies, I'm a bad mom. I break the rules. Here you are enjoying a little "Daniel Tiger" on a Saturday afternoon. Should I have let you? Probably not. Do I let you watch TV often? NO, not in the least. But does mom need a little break every once in a while? YES. I love you little cuties so much and honestly it brings me so much joy to break the rules for you because I get to watch the looks on your tiny faces when I do. What a gift to see that you realize it is a "treat". What a blessing it is that I can provide little things to make you happy. Thank you for being excited for your "treats", I hope I raise you to always be grateful for the little things.

Dear daughters, I'm sorry.

Dearest Colette and Sweet Maelyn, This past Friday something happened. Gay marriage was legalized throughout our nation. While the world tells us this is good and normal, I am here to tell you that it is not. And that I am sorry. I am sorry that you are going to grow up in a world that confuses you. You are going to live in a world where it is near impossible to discern what is true, or even if there is truth. But there is. This world is not a bad place, there is a lot of darkness, but there are also pockets of light and I hope you find them. I wish life were simple. I wish there were just men loving women and women loving men, but this place is not as black and white as we would like it to be. With the addition of the LGBT population we meet a mountain of confusion. On top of that is the reality of the brokenness of so many relationships, whether between a man and a woman or not-divorce, abuse, neglect, poverty, addiction. There are so many other things that can get lost in those larger issues-complacency, lack of communication between spouses, self-absorption, laziness, selfishness, greed, not saying "I love you" to name a few. I don't want to tell you how to think. I want to teach you how to think for yourselves-to be able to see truth. I don't know how I'm going to do that yet, and I know that you are already learning so much from me that I better figure it out soon. But my sweet girls, I pray that you know truth. I'm sorry that this world doesn't. Know truth. It exists. And it is good.

Beach Day

Things have been hectic over here. We're doing everything we can to move into the new house as soon as possible. Adam has been over there every second he hasn't been at work and has amazed me by his skill in fixing up the house. I mean, I know he fixes houses for a living, but seeing him transform our own home is just eye-opening. I appreciate him so much through all of this. He has had such determination and perseverance. I, on the other hand, can do nothing. All I want to do is paint, or move boxes, or something that makes me feel like I'm contributing. Yet, here I am, changing poopy diapers and making dinners as per usual. I am having the hardest time trying to pack up the house. The girls just don't give me a free moment. Colette's room especially has been a chore since she is sleeping in it whenever I have a moment to pack it! Needless to say, I've been stressed, and the girls have definitely been sensing it, so today I decided to take a bit of an "off" day and whisk the ladies to the beach. It is such a blessing living less than ten minutes away from Island Lake (one of the things I'll miss most when we move).

New house!

Here we are the new house . were slowly moving and eating our first breakfast together!

Spring is in the air

Well, that's an original title isn't it? My goodness though, it is a true statement if ever there was one. Time has been flying by and in the past two weeks we have gone from snow, to rain, to tomorrow at a high of 85! We are already five months into the year which is blowing my mind. Maelyn is officially nine months old, we've celebrated Easter, we're about to celebrate Mother's day, we've taken trips to the Imagination Station and Island Lake, and we bought a house! God is soooo good. I haven't been posting much and I feel as if the little I've posted has been the babble of my stream of melancholic thoughts rather than the joyful spring that is my family, and the blessing they are.

Adam-oh I am so proud and so aggravated with my spouse-as always. He is so stubborn and spontaneous, but so loving and spontaneous! Adam, you are a man full of surprises and I love you. I can't wait to move into our new home together and make it our own. Okay, let's be honest, I don't have a lot to write about you. It's not like you've accomplished some new milestone or done something really cute I've snapped a photo of. But I LOVE YOU anways :)

Colette- Wow, girl, you're crazy. I love you so much. My emotions for you are a tangle of love, anger, frustration, fascination, pride and wonder. I don't understand why you do the things you do. I wish dearly I could see how your mind works. You've gotten really into climbing lately. You get the stepping stool from the bathroom and use it very creatively from climbing into your sister's crib to standing on it so you can play the djembe! Your temper tantrums continue and mommy transitions quickly from listening to parenting CDs (every freaking one in the library!) to yelling at you in frustration and having to apologize. You love to read- you call books "gawks" and would sit and let me read to you all day. Sometimes we do read all day. I look forward to the times when Maelyn is napping and you let me envelope you on my lap while I read to you.

Mae-Mae-Crazy how as I write each of you and your sister's names, from deep within me wells up this love for you that I just can't control. You, little girl have been giving me a run for my money lately. You used to be the perfect one-what happened?! I think you're teething, or growing, or just wanting to move or something because you've become a bit of a fuss-bucket. With six teeth you have torn deep into mommy's milk-makers to the point that my pumped milk looked like it was strawberry flavored! You think it is hilarious too!! You need to crawl girl. You are nine months old and you're barely rolling over you little fatso! I can tell you want to move so badly. You eat everything in site. (so different from Colette). I love my time alone with you too. I love tickling you and hearing your raspy little smoker's laugh. I love snuggling your roly-poly little body. You are so pretty-pretty.

Best of all is seeing the two of you, the three of you, together. Last week we were driving to a friend's house for dinner and now in the minivan the two of you face each other. I don't know what happened but Colette did something that made Maelyn burst out laughing. That made Colette laugh, and then the two of you just laughed and laughed back and forth. We bought a bike cart and took you in it to Ritter's. Kept hearing Colette yell "MaeMae" until Maelyn started crying. We stopped and looked in- Maelyn had a huge bitemark on her hand, and Colette had one on her arm. I can't wait to see what your relationship as sisters holds.

I love you my family. Each one of you is so very special to me, and as I approach this Mother's Day, I am so grateful to be your mom, and your wife. Blessed.

time

Almost nine months. Almost two years. Almost three years. Almost seven years. Almost twenty-five years. Maelyn. Colette. Marriage. Knowing Adam. Being alive. I cannot believe how quickly time goes by. Where has it gone? What do I hav to show for it. Have I been there in the midst of it? I don't want to miss anymore of it. I want to make every second count. How do I? What is time well spent? Is it in the pursuit of financial gain? The attempt to make a difference in the world? If so, in what way? There are so many ways to make a difference, how do I know what is right for me, for my family? Yet, as time marches on, if I do not decide, that time is lost and no one is helped. What about adventures, life experiences? Is my attempt at frugality, my fear of the unknown holding me back from those? What about loving others... I feel that with every step I take towards loving others, I take another step back due to my own selfishness and insecurity. My life seems to be composed of moments of boredom opposing moments of fast insanity. I am either running around like a mad woman, or finding my mind to be a blank slate when I finally have a moment to enter in. Moments, moments, moments. All there is. Time has gone by and where are the moments? With even the greatest ones, I find my memory fleeting. Too much time passes, too litte documentation of significant, simple seconds happens. Colette crawling, walking, talking, running. Maelyn growing, cooing, eating, laughing. I told myself I would document each one, if for nothing else but my own benefit. They are getting so big, and will continue on growing at a seemingly faster rate. Life is too much. It is too much! Too much beauty, too much sadness, too much joy, too many opinions, too much hatred, too much war, too much knowledge. I simply cannot know and experience everything in this world, and that limitation feels so crippling. I feel so drowned in the weight of so much I find myself unable to sift through it all in even the simplest way to pursue what I can. God help me. Help me love. Help me live. Help me experienc. Help me give. Help me know. Help me BE.

How are you so pretty pretty?!

My sweet maelyn... You are getting so big and so beautiful! When did you become such a person? Your personality is developing so much!! We (mommy, daddy, and Colette) love you so much!

Welcome Warmth!!

March 8, 2015 and we're finally seeing a chance of spring. Temperatures have rocketed into the thirties and I'm about ready to stroll outside in a bathing suit. We decided to take a little walk as a family and bathe in the glory of the sun. So excited for the coming months.

Pistons pics!

JOY

"I've got that joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart, down in my heart to stay". I found myself singing this tonight as I drove down the freeway and just as I did I looked up to see I was passing by Joy Road. Joy is the fruit of the Holy Spirit that Adam and I are focusing on this month. Today I found myself really tested in regards to this virtue. Yesterday we put an offer on a house. CRAZY. Three days ago we were arguing about moving and I said I wouldn't be ready for a long time, and then that night I found the perfect house online. Visiting it we fell in love. It seemed to have everything we wanted. It was simple, had an acre of land surrounded by woods, a barn for Adam to fix up, a playground and a garden. Plus it was within our price range. Our realtor thought despite three other offers that we would get it, but this afternoon we found out someone had put in a higher offer. This past week in my women's group we discussed "deny". Like "deny yourself, take up your cross and follow me" type "deny". Fr. John Riccardo says that this doesn't mean dying to one's self but rather completely giving one's life over to God. I try to do this time and time again, yet I find that I still hold back things from the Lord. I go to him as my consultant rather than as my Lord. Lord, Adam and I are trying to surrender to you. I thought we did. I thought we gave this whole "finding a house" thing over to you, but it turns out I was still trying to be in control. I thought this house was perfect for us, but I have to trust that you have something greater planned. As I drove home from my parents tonight, tears streamed down my face as the reality of losing what I thought was to become our home hit me. But then I remembered it-JOY. Lord, why do I live if not for you, what else is there in this life if not YOU? You are my joy. No matter what the circumstances are, I have cause to rejoice. So I sang in that car and Colette squealed along with me. "And if the devil doesn't like it he can sit on a tack"

Happy St. Valentine's Day!

This year I was determined not to follow the crowd and soak up the commercialism of Valentine's Day. There is this sense of force upon us as a couple that if we don't do something our relationship isn't special! The evening before Valentine's Day I went into Kroger and was quite literally pushed over by the explosion of flowers, candy, chocolates and the like. Oh. My. Goodness. One of our new year's resolutions as a family was to do a family service project each month. This month we decided to go to the local nursing home and deliver valentines. There are so few ways, it seems, that we can serve considering we have a 20 month old and a 6 month old, but this provided us the perfect opportunity (to serve and show off our kids' cuteness)! Colette worked hard coloring almost 80 valentines!! I also found myself doing some research on the origins of this day, and Saint Valentine himself. Really eye-opening to the beauty of this day. On Valentine's Day itself we went and visited my 93 year old great aunt Helen and brought her a valentine as well. I couldn't resist the commercialism completely and surprised Adam by taking him out to dinner while my parents watched the ladies. All in all, it was a lovely and LOVING day.